One of the life changes we all go through at one time or another is the loss of relationships. Whether through breakups, divorce, death, or simply drifting apart, these can be some of the most gut wrenching, yet productive times of your life.
In an earlier post I talked about how coincidences can show up when you're going through change to help you know you're on the right path.
Coincidences surrounding relationships can also lead to amazing unexpected outcomes that are only revealed much later in time.
A Personal Story Example
Years ago, when my dad suddenly died, I stayed with my mom for a few weeks during the strange and difficult time between his funeral and when his body was cremated.
The day it was over, my mom came to my house for a much needed change of scenery. After doing some therapeutic yard work, we went for a last-minute walk.
Since I'd just moved into my new neighborhood, I asked her to please not stop and stare at a house she might find interesting (as she was known to do) because "I have to live in this little village."
Despite my best efforts, she stopped in fron of a Civil War-era house that was around the corner from where I lived. A huge catalpa tree in the side yard caught her attention.
While we were standing there (thanks, mom), a man appeared in the front yard, apparently the homeowner.
Although self-conscious about my dirt-splotched sweatshirt and torn-in-the-rear-end jeans (he was clearly an urban professional rather than a rural local), we exchanged introductions and chatted for a while.
A few months later (having been respectful of my grief period), he started stopping by to chat.
We were both going through the aftermath of recent terrible losses. His wife, dog, and car never returned home with him after he discovered (during her parent's Christmas party) that she was having an affair.
In addition to my dad's passing, I was reeling from the ripple effect related to the world financial crises.
We became very close and actually managed to find a lot of silly stupid things to laugh about when we were together.
Years later, a week after he initiated taking our relationship to a committed level, he abruptly walked out of my life.
No further communication.
I had often thought about the amazing coincidence that brought us together. He was included in my "things to be grateful for" journal almost every day. My mom, despite her loss, had pretty much hand-delivered someone special.
It was a long dark process to inch forward with my life in the aftermath. It didn't help my smashed-to-pieces heart that his friends had also become my friends and that I could see his house and the room we used to hang out in from my bathroom window.
Looking back, the coincidence of our meeting and the positives that have happened since that awful ending suggest it's all part of the same coincidence thread.
The "if that didn't happen, this wouldn't have happened" realizations that only come with time. Here's a recap:
The string of events that led up to meeting a special person who, in the best light, became a closest friend and helpmate were:
• My dad passing
• My mom coming to stay with me and
• Wanting to go for a walk
• Stopping in front of a house (despite me asking her not to) long enough for
• this man "just happening" to be walking from the back of his house
• to start raking leaves in the front.
The Coincidence Thread
The hidden thread from the coincidence of our meeting that later surfaced (as a result of working through the agony triggered by the loss of that relationship) resulted in a Santa Bag of Goodies.
I'm going to share with you the "best of's" that happened so that wherever you are or whatever you're going through, you may remember this story to know there's light at the end of your tunnel, too.
3 Takeaways to Help You
1. Gut-wrenching times help you discover positive things about yourself you may not have otherwise known.
Have the courage to face the pain. The key is not running away from your emotions and feelings — the only true way out is through.
This is a huge chance for you to do productive life-changing inner work.
Because what’s on the other side of that pain will be a different, enhanced version of you. Don’t miss this opportunity for your own personal growth!
Unforeseen benefits you can’t even imagine will come to you when you stay the course.
2. Be patient with yourself, your process, and your progress.
Healing can take a lot of time. There are minutes, hours, or days forward — then many more seemingly back.
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross wrote about The 5 Stages of Grief: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and finally Acceptance.
Know that none of them follow an organized list. Working your way through losses is messy and those steps can overlap, go upside down and inside out as you move along.
Sometimes it’s literally one moment at a time. You can do it.
3. Coincidences, maybe the one that brought the relationship into your life that is no longer there, can also have amazing hidden threads that are revealed later.
Understand there was a reason for the relationship you had.
And a higher purpose reason for the end.
Even if it doesn’t feel like it right now, know there are wonderful things in store for you. It will help give you the perseverance to continue moving forward.
And one day be able to look back and notice the marvelous coincidence threads that have blossomed as a result.
With Heartfelt Empathy and Gentle Thoughts,
My free Self-Discovery Map can help you.
You’ve most likely heard of coincidences and may have had your own amazing experiences that have left you saying, ”How’d that happen?”
In the book When God Winks, author SQuire Rushnell describes these coincidences, or “God Winks,” as signposts. He also talks about how they often increase when you’re going through change.
While I’d been familiar with the concept and experienced my share of coincidences, I hadn’t been aware that their occurrence ramps up when you’re going through life changes to help you through them.
Here's my definition of coincidence: A situation in which events happen at the same time in a way that isn’t planned or expected that brings about something wonderful in your life.
A Personal Story Example
Being at yet another crossroads, I felt exiled through an unwanted and undeserved (from my limited viewpoint) tsunami of change.
Gradually emerging from quicksand-like grief triggered by those losses, I’d faced the pain head-on and hoped I’d managed to pull out every ounce of life lesson I could.
Then began the massive task of how and what to do with what was left of my life. An overwhelming To Do list defined days as I kept working to figure out which way to go.
About the only thing that became clear was that trying to grab some kind, any kind of lifeline from the past wasn’t going to work.
Coincidences in your life often increase when you're going through change.
Reaching the point that losing myself in a grocery store rag mag seemed like a worthwhile use of time, I finally sat – just sat.
Eventually quieting mind chatter down a few decibels, I asked my inner Self for guidance about what to do next. And hoped I was heard. And that my thoughts wouldn’t fling themselves in five thousand directions before an answer came.
Frustrated and scared, I was open to listening.
When I eventually heard (on an inner level) “empty yourself of your personal agenda,” at first there was relief. Then the feeling that I was hurling myself over a cliff into an overwhelming cloud of nothingness.
Then the thoughts, “Uh, exactly how does this translate into everyday life?”
And then doubt. Did I hear that right? Really?
Quiet time in the woods would help process the message. Thinking about a handful of possible places to walk, one destination felt right.
A rustic path wound through ravines and acres of primeval beech trees that were naked in mid-December light. Rounding a turn, I saw a tiny red spot in the distance somewhat veiled by leafless saplings that lined the forest floor.
Moving closer, I realized a bright red holiday ornament was hanging from one of the spindly branches! Huh? As I continued walking, there was another, another, then several others marking a path that led out of the woods.
I’d walked that path in different seasons for years, never having seen anything other than, uhmm, trees.
I gradually became aware that this was a charming signpost, a “God Wink” showing that with the guidance received (even if I didn’t know what the next steps would be or where they were leading), I was somehow heading in the right direction.
3 Ways to Read the Signs
These suggestions are gathered from personal experiences:
1. Coincidences or “God Winks” act as signposts to help you know you’re on track with your life path and purpose — even though you may be experiencing confusion and a lot of unknowns.
Having the thought to go to the woods with the beech trees and then seeing the red ornaments are examples of signposts.
They don’t necessarily give you all the answers to whatever challenge you may be facing (although in some instances certainly can). I like to think of them as lovely pointers, a connect-the-dots reassurance that helps soothe and direct.
2. Remembering coincidences you’ve experienced in the past can help you be on the lookout for new signposts as they appear in your life.
Exercise: Can you remember a coincidence (could be someone you met, something you heard, saw, or felt) that helped you through a life change?
Writing it down will help you anchor it into your memory. This dials in your coincidence radar.
3. Opening your awareness to these little miracles helps you know you’re right where you need to be.
You can open your awareness by taking some quiet time to reflect on your day. Coincidences and signposts can be subtle, obvious, or anywhere in between.
• Did anything unusual happen in your life today?
• Did you happen to turn on the radio and hear something, did someone say something, did you see or notice something that was significant to you?
The amazing thing is that coincidences are custom-made just for you!
Life changes aren’t always easy. Increasing your awareness so you can recognize the coincidences that act as signposts in your life can help you know you're heading in the right direction.
To Beautiful Signposts Lighting Your Way!
For more help, get my free Self-Discovery Map!
Note: Because my SOS Kit is going to be available soon as an online course to better help you, we've temporarily pulled the video because it had a link to the SOS Kit itself.
To be in the loop with updates on this, you can sign up at the form to the right. Thanks!
Finally! The video and Toolkit are here!
It's pretty self-explanatory, so sit back for about a minute and enjoy.
If there's someone you know
who this can bring a smile to, pass it on!
Catherine's SOS Need it Now! Emotional Feel Better Toolkit.
What type of leader are you for your own life?
In the book Leadership in Turbulent Times, author Doris Kearns Goodwin
talks about transactional and transformational leadership.
The book brings to light the lows and highs of 4 iconic U.S. presidents: Lincoln, Teddy Roosevelt, Franklin Delano Roosevelt, and Johnson.
What's the difference in these 2 leadership styles? Easy:
While these definitions are most often applied to organizations or companies, it can be helpful to bring these ideas to yourself.
As you're going about your day-to-day stuff, often with a big "to do" list, have you paused long enough to reflect on the overall vision you have for your own life or your family life apart from the nuts-and-bolts of Your List?
Is your style:
Why does it matter? Keeping your eye on the birdie of your greater vision not only influences at home leadership (even if that means you alone or you and your dog or cat), but helps you reframe when you're feeling bogged down with the nuts-and-bolts.
Many Unexpected Blessings and Cheers to you!
Photo Credit (sign): Jens Johnsson
Composite with blue birdie of happiness: Catherine
Have you ever experienced something unusual as you go about your everyday life that lets you know there's something much bigger going on than you're usually aware of?
I've been working on the audio portion of my SOS Need it Now Emotional Feel Better Toolkit for a long time. Delays have been rampant from tweaking the recording software settings, losing my voice, and finding somewhere quiet enough to do the work. Despite best efforts, it's been an extremely slow process.
I finally resorted to working in a closet. Not a convenient closet, like my own (too much street noise), but that of a friend, which meant becoming very mobile with setting up and breaking down a "recording studio" to work among her carefully folded blankets and pillows.
Having a relatively good voice day, I was rolling along with recording.
Suddenly (through ear buds), I heard the faint clank and spin of something that hit the ground. Huh? I looked down. It was a penny.
Now, I hadn't moved myself or anything in that closet for fear of disrupting anything that could affect recording. It just "dropped," did a spin, and landed next to me.
When family members suddenly passed about ten years ago, every once in a while, pennies would appear in the most obvious and ridiculous of places. Being tuned in that this is a known phenomena sometimes experienced by those who have lost loved ones, it became a source of wonder and comfort.
So, there it was again. In the least likely of places. Reminding, that despite the illusion – you and me – we're never really alone.
I stopped what I was doing to have a good laugh.
Note: This post happened to be published on November 1. The day after Halloween is known as All Souls Day in Christianity. It's a day of remembering loved ones who have passed on.
You're Invited: Bring your cup of coffee, grab a chair, and join me on October 6th for an informal group chat about Suicide Prevention Awareness + Emotional Well-Being. You just might save a life.
People who take their lives don't want to die–
World Suicide Prevention Day (WSPD) is globally observed on September 10th each year in order to provide worldwide awareness, commitment, and action to prevent suicides. Here are some facts:
In the United States, National Suicide Prevention Week (NSPW) is an annual week-long campaign (September 9 - 15) in the United States to inform and engage health professionals and the general public about suicide prevention and the warning signs of suicide. It's purpose is also to reduce the stigma and encourage seeking mental health help.
According to Major David Reynolds, chief of Clinical Health Psychology at Landstuhl Regional Medical Center, "The vast majority of people don't commit suicide because they want to kill themselves, but as a way to end the torment of not being able to cope with their problem."
While your world can feel temporarily black and like it will never change, remember, your viewpoint can change, and there are those who want to, and will help you, get through it. You're not alone.
What to do if you're feeling suicidal or need help for someone you care about? Call Now (it's free):
US NATIONAL SUICIDE PREVENTION LIFELINE
More Help: http://suicidepreventionlifeline.org
Also, a comprehensive article for what to do for yourself or someone you know.
Pass it on . . .
Photo Credit: dmgreen44 pixabay
"Expanding your perspective can help you reframe your life."
One of the ways you can empower yourself toward life change is by expanding (changing) your viewpoint.
I recently had the opportunity to expand my viewpoint (photo). Some simple ways we can all do this are through:
• Reading a book or watching a YouTube video on a subject that's new for you
• Taking a different route when doing your errands
• Asking someone you don't know how their day's going and really listen
When you work at s-t-r-e-t-c-h-i-n-g your boundaries, it not only helps you look at yourself from a different perspective, but makes room for all kinds of wonderful new possibilities to emerge.
What's your stretch today?
Go for it!
"It's faith when we believe in things with
absolutely no evidence [yet] of their existence.
That is one of the great gifts of life – to sustain that faith against all odds, against critics and skeptics, against our own self-doubt."
Kimberly Clark Sharp
Photo Credit: Simon Migaj
As a new positive phase of life is gradually unfolding, some familiar not-so-great thoughts came up that masked underlying fears related to moving forward. Because I've been there and understand the process of getting beyond this when it rears up, empowering others to do the same is part of my passion.
I've been reading the book Educated by Tara Westover. It's about a young woman who has the courage to walk away from her dysfunctional extremist family. I'm including the following passage from the book because it provides interesting thoughts about fear. She's talking about the roof of Cambridge University's cavernous Gothic chapel:
"Finally the staircase opened onto the roof, which was heavily slanted, an inverted 'V' enclosed by stone parapets [a low protective wall along a roofline]. The wind was gusting, rolling clouds across the sky; the view was spectacular, the city miniaturized, utterly dwarfed by the chapel.
I forgot myself and climbed the slope, then walked along the [roof] ridge, letting the wind take me as I stared out at the expanse of crooked trees and stone courtyards.
'You're not afraid of falling?' a voice said . . . I turned. It was Dr. Kerry. He had followed me, but he seemed unsteady on his feet, nearly pitching with every gust of wind . . .
. . . I had to think before I could answer. 'I can stand in this wind, because I'm not trying to stand in it,' I said. 'The wind is just wind. You could withstand these gusts on the ground, so you can withstand them in the air. There is no difference. Except the difference you make in your head.'
He stared at me blankly. He hadn't understood.
'I'm just standing,' I said . . . 'If you could just control your panic, this wind would be nothing.' "
T A K E A W A Y
Your fears can hide behind difficult emotions that can stop you in your tracks. It's possible to manage the fears that are holding you back so you can get on with your life. And all the wonderful experiences that are waiting for you on the other side of those fears.
Developing the awareness that (as Ms. Westover said above), "knowing the difference you make in your head" is an important factor that can be a simple place to start.
My fears are holding me back. What Can I Do?
I can help you help yourself through a wonderful retreat day workshop that will empower you to move beyond your fears, whatever they may be.
Fears swallowed up a lot of my time and life energy. You can learn from my experiences so you can free yourself.
Photo Credit: Curry Popeck Mountain
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Hi, I'm Catherine!
This website was started because after a whole lot of trauma and adversity (groan) and a lifetime of trial and error, I wanted to make it easier for you to empower yourself to move beyond change, stress, and fears that hold you back while discovering how to create positive change in your life!