Hedy left the planet this week.
Hedy liked to give her friends lovely gifts. One year, a really difficult year when I was recovering from a "rip-your-heart-out-and-stomp-on-it-beating" breakup, she gifted me with the picture in this post.
In a sea of misery at the time, I clung to those words for dear life. And you know what? Looking back, they were true.
Whatever changes you may be going through whether in your personal or work life, having the belief (or if that's too much of a stretch, just being open to the possibility) that everything is working for your highest good –
even if it seems impossible,
even if you don't have a clue about what that could possibly look like right now
– will go a long way in helping you help yourself.
In case you can't see the words on the picture, they are:
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a Butterfly.
Cheers, Hedy! Thank you, and Angels Atcha!
Your comments are welcome.
A Timely Life Lesson from "Tammy Faye"
Who IS That?
In case you didn't know, Tammy Faye Bakker was an outspoken televangelist who was in her heyday in the 1970's and 1980's along with her husband, Jim Bakker.
For entrepreneurs reading this, it's worth mentioning that together (starting in an abandoned furniture store) they created the PTL Club and Heritage USA, a retreat and theme park that ranked right alongside Disney World and Disneyland as one of the most popular in the U.S. at the time.
Tammy Faye was known for her emotionalism and sensitivity as much as outlandish glamour and theatrical makeup that often tangled with her tears.
I bought the greeting card in the picture (a true-to-life Tammy Faye parody) for my mom a long time ago. To this day, if I see it sitting on the table by her chair where she has her morning tea, I know something's definitely not right in her world and she's pulled out some positive reinforcement for an attitude adjust in working it through.
A Breath of Fresh Air
We've all been saturated with "uncertain," "unprecedented," and "challenging"– soaked with facts, figures, and statistics while feeling the impact of what's going on in the world. The effects on us all don't need repeating.
This week I was in a Zoom meeting with some business friends. The leader of the group started with this timeless quote:
"Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about these things."
It's a great reminder.
One of the most powerful principles you can apply in your life is to remember that what you focus on expands. Feed something that's upsetting in your world with your energy by thinking and talking about it unnecessarily and it grows. Withdraw your energy, and it fades in importance like a Round-up blasted dandelion.
One of the guys in the meeting, who happens to own an employment agency, said how important it is to acknowledge the good in someone [or something] when you see it. Seemingly simple things can make a huge difference. Putting your attention on the good brings out more – not only from the person who's getting the positive reinforcement – but for yourself because you've dialed into noticing that good.
A Focus Shift Exercise for You:
Because it's one thing to read something and another to experience it, here's a simple exercise you can do for yourself:
1. What's going on in your life that's bothering you? Whether it's a personal or work situation, rate how you're feeling right now on a scale of 1 - 5 with 1 being "I'm in the pits" and 5 being "I'm pretty okay."
2. Whatever you're rating, take some time to reflect on whatever you find noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, praiseworthy, or more simply stated – positive – in that situation. Whether it's about someone or something, give it some time to sink in, be it for an hour or a day. Then check in again with how you're feeling. Has it changed?
The Tammy Faye card throws some humor at Laugh and The World Laughs With You, Cry and You . . . (actual words are "cry and you cry alone").
You choose what you decide to focus on. The results of that choice will be reflected in your world through your own sense of mental and emotional well-being.
Photo ©2020 Catherine Lenard
What’s your anxiety or fear level related to coronavirus on a scale of 1–10 with one being Eh,-This-Too-Shall-Pass and ten being The-Sky-Is-Falling-and-Everyone-With-It?
With the increasing onslaught of scary stuff in the media, I admit I started drifting toward 8 or 9, once in a while spiking to 10.
Do you remember the TV show Fear Factor where contestants had to do a series of challenges from being covered with hissing Madagascar cockroaches to a spaghetti clump of writhing snakes? Or chugging a freshly blended worm smoothie without it (ewww) backing up? Although there are different ramifications, today’s Fear Factor is kinda like going out in public without a bottle of hand sanitizer or (depending where you are) face mask.
Understanding very well that taking common sense precautions to protect your body is important, I realized that I also had to get a grip on what I could control — my thoughts about it all.
Are You Choosing Fear or Love?
Remembering a book purchased years ago called Love is Letting Go of Fear by Dr. Gerald Jampolsky, M.D., I pulled it off my lower bookshelf. In it, Dr. Jampolsky recalls that in med school a high percentage of his fellow classmates would start developing symptoms of whatever illness they were studying — no matter if it was chicken pox, schizophrenia, or an STD.
He said his fear factor at the time was a highly contagious lung disease, tuberculosis, transmitted through the air by talk, coughing, or sneezing. As an intern he had to do a one-month stint in the TB ward. He was terrified he would die. His fantasy plan was to take one deep breath and have it last for a month. At the end of his first day, he was an emotional wreck.
Just before midnight he received an emergency call that a woman was admitted to the ward with not only TB, but alcohol-related cirrhosis of the liver. She’d just vomited blood. When all lifesaving measures failed including an oxygen machine, he resorted to mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.
When it was over, he noticed in a mirror that he was covered with blood. Yet at no time during the event was he fearful. Through the necessity of the moment, he had forgotten about himself and went into action to save the woman’s life. After that, he had no fear of TB.
The point he made at the end of the chapter is when you take your mind off yourself and your fears and bring love into action by helping someone else [whether through direct help, a kind deed, a positive thought or prayer], you shift your own focus from destructive and negative to constructive and positive. This also has an effect on your body.
The Mysteries of the Mind
Years ago, I’d attended a business conference in Florida. One of the presenters was a hypnotist who was on the level of having his own Las Vegas show. When he asked for volunteers from the audience, I raised my hand. A bunch of us went onstage and he did his initial hypnosis thing to screen people who would continue on as part of his demonstration.
Some of the people responded to his suggestions and “went under,” some didn’t. I was determined not to allow myself to do so and was excused to return to my seat in the audience along with a few others.
It was a great show. About ten people were sitting in a row onstage and conversing in everything from martian to (bawk-bawk) chicken-speak. It was seriously funny stuff.
But here was the kicker.
One of the ten people, a woman, was later positioned between two conference chairs. You know, the stacking kind you see in restaurants and hotels with a solid metal frame. The chairs were positioned back to back with about 4.5 — 5 feet in between them. While she was in a trance, her body was positioned with her neck on one chair and her ankles on the other. Her body was suspended between two chairs, stiff as a board. Then someone stood on her torso! Are you kidding me?
After that, she woke up, stood up, and returned to her seat in the audience as if nothing happened.
Had I not seen that for myself, I would have had a hard time believing it. The thing is, your mind is incredibly powerful. With self-awareness about what you’re thinking and discipline to catch yourself when you’re heading into a downward fear spiral, you can choose to change that thought into something positive and life-affirming. For yourself and others.
The Miracle Man
A friend of mine was left to die in a humble nursing home after suffering a stroke at an early age that left him paralyzed. He said he had nothing to do but lie in his bed and stare at the ceiling. He put his creative mind to work and envisioned himself alive, happy, and healthy.
Today, he’s a golf instructor at a PGA-designed golf course and belts out a repertoire of Frank Sinatra classics at a wide variety of entertainment venues. You can do this, too. Enough said about the power of the mind?
It’s a known fact that mindset affects the immune system and physical health. Emotions of fear tear it down. Feelings of love and creativity bring life.
In that respect, the coronavirus can be a potent personal growth teacher — discovering how not to allow ourselves to get swept away in fear. Because if not this, in some way or another, it’ll typically always be something.
Along with precautions you’re taking to protect your body, watch your thoughts. Become aware of what you’re thinking. Your state of mind is your responsibility and can be an oasis of calm and positive creativity, despite what outer appearances may seem to be.
You can bite fear in the butt by focusing on having vibrant health and inner peace. Forgiveness of yourself and others — love for yourself and one another. And whatever makes you happy or brings you joy.
Remember, “Eh, this too shall pass.”
You Tube (vlog) version of this post: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hClTsS33Gz0
Photo ©2019 by MBK (Marjie) and Catherine Lenard
Whether you have family or no family, holidays can be a time of powerful self-discovery. Because the things that tip your balance are there to show you something about you.
Something surprising happened when I was sharing the idea for this article with my mom.
In the background, Daisy (my cat) started wailing in this bizarre sound that comes out of her when she sees another cat and goes all territorial.
I dropped the phone. Moving quickly toward the back of the house, I ran into Daisy rushing toward a front-of-the-house window when, all banshee-eyed and howling, she raised up on her hind legs (think grizzly bear) and took a hard chomp on my leg while delivering a masterful claw swipe.
Trying to bi-locate to find hydrogen peroxide and paper towels to mop up blood (mine) while letting my mom know that through all the howling (mine and hers) we were both still alive, I followed Daisy to find out what the heck was going on.
Once things calmed down — breathe — it dialed in that through all the drama, I “coincidentally” had a perfect example for this article.
When she acted so uncharacteristically, she was in the grips of an instinctive animal-react
The Cat Scenario
Although mostly laid back, Daisy has a feisty streak and recently got into a turf war with Rambo. Rambo lives across the nearby meadow and looks like his name suggests.
It happened about a month ago when I was preoccupied with unpacking my car from a trip. Daisy wandered away from the yard into the meadow. After hearing some kind of animal ruckus in the distance, I later watched her jet back to the house.
It wasn’t until after a few days had passed that I realized she’d been part of that clash and was hurt. With due diligence in treating the puncture wounds hidden in her fur, she gradually healed.
Since then, Daisy’s been on window patrol for anything four-legged that even remotely hints of invading her space.
I realized that when she acted so uncharacteristically toward me, she was in the grips of an instinctive animal-react from most likely catching another glimpse of Rambo. And I happened to get in her way.
The things that tip your balance are there to show you something about you.
Here’s How This Relates:
When something painful happens to us humans, we move on in one way or another. But if whatever that painful situation was hasn’t been worked through or attended to, it remains stuck in our consciousness.
When someone or something triggers this original pain (bring on the holidays), we may go instinctively reactive. Somewhat animal or “reptilian brain” as the clinicians would say, and behave in ways that may later be regretted.
When you can discover and soothe old hurts that underlie these reactions, the situations that once bothered you no longer will. It’s a process. You know there’s something that needs tending to when you feel your buttons being pushed.
3 Tips for Dealing with Those Moments:
When Daisy doesn’t like something, she [typically] doesn’t attack, she simply gets up and walks away. The idea is to have enough self-control to excuse or remove yourself from a situation before you behave in ways you’ll regret. To give yourself time to come back to center.
1. Once you’ve calmed down a bit, take the time to ask yourself what’s bothering you about what someone did or said.
2. Take time to identify how you’re feeling about what someone did or said (angry, sad, upset, hurt, annoyed, outraged, etc.)
3. While these tips are simply stated, they can help you empower yourself to get through those feisty Rambo-like situations.
While discovering more about you.
Without taking a chomp out of someone else.
Because having the satisfaction to know, despite whatever’s going on, that you not only 1) learned more about yourself, but also 2) kept your cool, is in itself a huge gift to you.
To a Peaceful Season, ;-)
Sometimes You Just Gotta Talk!
Holiday Talk Session(s) with Catherine
Apart from some obvious questions [Since when did holiday advertising start before Halloween? Is the spiritual meaning of the season on its last gasp?], the reminder — if only to myself — in the words of some infamous Twitter posts is, it’s Fake News!
When you think for yourself apart from outside influence, you empower yourself.
Fake News in this sense. You may have heard it, and maybe even know it, but it merits repeating because media tech is getting more and more sophisticated about getting under your skin. Not only literally (voluntary chip implants–yep they’re here), but regarding how you think.
So here’s a little pull-back of the curtain:
• Advertising is designed to affect your thoughts and emotions
• Steering you into doing what the advertiser wants you to do
• In the case of the well-rehearsed friendly singing and dancing man, he’s the mouthpiece for a giant corporate conglomerate
• That hires an expert creative agency who engages lots of folks to further their desired message
• We’re talking decades and decades of highly professional experience from account and research people who are skilled at mining emotional pain points (the underlying reasons that affect your decision to buy) to creative directors, writers, production crew, and talent (dancing man and his merry minions)
• Who pull out all the stops to figure out how to get you to do what they want you to do
• Which is to buy their stuff
• Because they have plans, they have bills, and they want to get their paycheck, too
• In media it’s about ratings, numbers, and the bottom line
If this puts a damper on your ho-ho-ho, remember this:
• You have the power to say no
• You don’t have to allow your mind to be manipulated and stressed through frenzied media reminders to buy-buy-buy now during the holiday season
• Or ever
• Unless you want to
• Remember, these ads are ultimately about translating into numbers for the corporate advertiser
• You have the power to affect their bottom line by consciously choosing where you do or don’t spend your money
• Because without their collective “you,” they got nothin’
When you think for yourself
apart from outside influence, you empower yourself.
Because becoming more self-aware about why you’re doing what you’re doing helps you flex your muscles to live more on-point. By choice. Yours, not theirs or anyone else’s.
Because long after dancing man has been paid for his efforts and Buy turns into Bye (ad campaign over), come January when those credit card bills come rolling in, you may be wondering what you were thinking.
When dancing man took you into his oh-so-inviting advertising arms and very effectively swept you off your feet.
One of the life changes we all go through at one time or another is the loss of relationships. Whether through breakups, divorce, death, or simply drifting apart, these can be some of the most gut wrenching, yet productive times of your life.
In an earlier post I talked about how coincidences can show up when you're going through change to help you know you're on the right path.
Coincidences surrounding relationships can also lead to amazing unexpected outcomes that are only revealed much later in time.
A Personal Story Example
Years ago, when my dad suddenly died, I stayed with my mom for a few weeks during the strange and difficult time between his funeral and when his body was cremated.
The day it was over, my mom came to my house for a much needed change of scenery. After doing some therapeutic yard work, we went for a last-minute walk.
Since I'd just moved into my new neighborhood, I asked her to please not stop and stare at a house she might find interesting (as she was known to do) because "I have to live in this little village."
Despite my best efforts, she stopped in fron of a Civil War-era house that was around the corner from where I lived. A huge catalpa tree in the side yard caught her attention.
While we were standing there (thanks, mom), a man appeared in the front yard, apparently the homeowner.
Although self-conscious about my dirt-splotched sweatshirt and torn-in-the-rear-end jeans (he was clearly an urban professional rather than a rural local), we exchanged introductions and chatted for a while.
A few months later (having been respectful of my grief period), he started stopping by to chat.
We were both going through the aftermath of recent terrible losses. His wife, dog, and car never returned home with him after he discovered (during her parent's Christmas party) that she was having an affair.
In addition to my dad's passing, I was reeling from the ripple effect related to the world financial crises.
We became very close and actually managed to find a lot of silly stupid things to laugh about when we were together.
Years later, a week after he initiated taking our relationship to a committed level, he abruptly walked out of my life.
No further communication.
I had often thought about the amazing coincidence that brought us together. He was included in my "things to be grateful for" journal almost every day. My mom, despite her loss, had pretty much hand-delivered someone special.
It was a long dark process to inch forward with my life in the aftermath. It didn't help my smashed-to-pieces heart that his friends had also become my friends and that I could see his house and the room we used to hang out in from my bathroom window.
Looking back, the coincidence of our meeting and the positives that have happened since that awful ending suggest it's all part of the same coincidence thread.
The "if that didn't happen, this wouldn't have happened" realizations that only come with time. Here's a recap:
The string of events that led up to meeting a special person who, in the best light, became a closest friend and helpmate were:
• My dad passing
• My mom coming to stay with me and
• Wanting to go for a walk
• Stopping in front of a house (despite me asking her not to) long enough for
• this man "just happening" to be walking from the back of his house
• to start raking leaves in the front.
The Coincidence Thread
The hidden thread from the coincidence of our meeting that later surfaced (as a result of working through the agony triggered by the loss of that relationship) resulted in a Santa Bag of Goodies.
I'm going to share with you the "best of's" that happened so that wherever you are or whatever you're going through, you may remember this story to know there's light at the end of your tunnel, too.
3 Takeaways to Help You
1. Gut-wrenching times help you discover positive things about yourself you may not have otherwise known.
Have the courage to face the pain. The key is not running away from your emotions and feelings — the only true way out is through.
This is a huge chance for you to do productive life-changing inner work.
Because what’s on the other side of that pain will be a different, enhanced version of you. Don’t miss this opportunity for your own personal growth!
Unforeseen benefits you can’t even imagine will come to you when you stay the course.
2. Be patient with yourself, your process, and your progress.
Healing can take a lot of time. There are minutes, hours, or days forward — then many more seemingly back.
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross wrote about The 5 Stages of Grief: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and finally Acceptance.
Know that none of them follow an organized list. Working your way through losses is messy and those steps can overlap, go upside down and inside out as you move along.
Sometimes it’s literally one moment at a time. You can do it.
3. Coincidences, maybe the one that brought the relationship into your life that is no longer there, can also have amazing hidden threads that are revealed later.
Understand there was a reason for the relationship you had.
And a higher purpose reason for the end.
Even if it doesn’t feel like it right now, know there are wonderful things in store for you. It will help give you the perseverance to continue moving forward.
And one day be able to look back and notice the marvelous coincidence threads that have blossomed as a result.
With Heartfelt Empathy and Gentle Thoughts,
You’ve most likely heard of coincidences and may have had your own amazing experiences that have left you saying, ”How’d that happen?”
In the book When God Winks, author SQuire Rushnell describes these coincidences, or “God Winks,” as signposts. He also talks about how they often increase when you’re going through change.
While I’d been familiar with the concept and experienced my share of coincidences, I hadn’t been aware that their occurrence ramps up when you’re going through life changes to help you through them.
Here's my definition of coincidence: A situation in which events happen at the same time in a way that isn’t planned or expected that brings about something wonderful in your life.
A Personal Story Example
Being at yet another crossroads, I felt exiled through an unwanted and undeserved (from my limited viewpoint) tsunami of change.
Gradually emerging from quicksand-like grief triggered by those losses, I’d faced the pain head-on and hoped I’d managed to pull out every ounce of life lesson I could.
Then began the massive task of how and what to do with what was left of my life. An overwhelming To Do list defined days as I kept working to figure out which way to go.
About the only thing that became clear was that trying to grab some kind, any kind of lifeline from the past wasn’t going to work.
Coincidences in your life often increase when you're going through change.
Reaching the point that losing myself in a grocery store rag mag seemed like a worthwhile use of time, I finally sat – just sat.
Eventually quieting mind chatter down a few decibels, I asked my inner Self for guidance about what to do next. And hoped I was heard. And that my thoughts wouldn’t fling themselves in five thousand directions before an answer came.
Frustrated and scared, I was open to listening.
When I eventually heard (on an inner level) “empty yourself of your personal agenda,” at first there was relief. Then the feeling that I was hurling myself over a cliff into an overwhelming cloud of nothingness.
Then the thoughts, “Uh, exactly how does this translate into everyday life?”
And then doubt. Did I hear that right? Really?
Quiet time in the woods would help process the message. Thinking about a handful of possible places to walk, one destination felt right.
A rustic path wound through ravines and acres of primeval beech trees that were naked in mid-December light. Rounding a turn, I saw a tiny red spot in the distance somewhat veiled by leafless saplings that lined the forest floor.
Moving closer, I realized a bright red holiday ornament was hanging from one of the spindly branches! Huh? As I continued walking, there was another, another, then several others marking a path that led out of the woods.
I’d walked that path in different seasons for years, never having seen anything other than, uhmm, trees.
I gradually became aware that this was a charming signpost, a “God Wink” showing that with the guidance received (even if I didn’t know what the next steps would be or where they were leading), I was somehow heading in the right direction.
3 Ways to Read the Signs
These suggestions are gathered from personal experiences:
1. Coincidences or “God Winks” act as signposts to help you know you’re on track with your life path and purpose — even though you may be experiencing confusion and a lot of unknowns.
Having the thought to go to the woods with the beech trees and then seeing the red ornaments are examples of signposts.
They don’t necessarily give you all the answers to whatever challenge you may be facing (although in some instances certainly can). I like to think of them as lovely pointers, a connect-the-dots reassurance that helps soothe and direct.
2. Remembering coincidences you’ve experienced in the past can help you be on the lookout for new signposts as they appear in your life.
Exercise: Can you remember a coincidence (could be someone you met, something you heard, saw, or felt) that helped you through a life change?
Writing it down will help you anchor it into your memory. This dials in your coincidence radar.
3. Opening your awareness to these little miracles helps you know you’re right where you need to be.
You can open your awareness by taking some quiet time to reflect on your day. Coincidences and signposts can be subtle, obvious, or anywhere in between.
• Did anything unusual happen in your life today?
• Did you happen to turn on the radio and hear something, did someone say something, did you see or notice something that was significant to you?
The amazing thing is that coincidences are custom-made just for you!
Life changes aren’t always easy. Increasing your awareness so you can recognize the coincidences that act as signposts in your life can help you know you're heading in the right direction.
To Beautiful Signposts Lighting Your Way!
Note: Because my SOS Kit is going to be available soon as an online course to better help you, we've temporarily pulled the video because it had a link to the SOS Kit itself.
To be in the loop with updates on this, you can sign up at the form to the right. Thanks!
Finally! The video and Toolkit are here!
It's pretty self-explanatory, so sit back for about a minute and enjoy.
If there's someone you know
who this can bring a smile to, pass it on!
Catherine's SOS Need it Now! Emotional Feel Better Toolkit.
What type of leader are you for your own life?
In the book Leadership in Turbulent Times, author Doris Kearns Goodwin
talks about transactional and transformational leadership.
The book brings to light the lows and highs of 4 iconic U.S. presidents: Lincoln, Teddy Roosevelt, Franklin Delano Roosevelt, and Johnson.
What's the difference in these 2 leadership styles? Easy:
While these definitions are most often applied to organizations or companies, it can be helpful to bring these ideas to yourself.
As you're going about your day-to-day stuff, often with a big "to do" list, have you paused long enough to reflect on the overall vision you have for your own life or your family life apart from the nuts-and-bolts of Your List?
Is your style:
Why does it matter? Keeping your eye on the birdie of your greater vision not only influences at home leadership (even if that means you alone or you and your dog or cat), but helps you reframe when you're feeling bogged down with the nuts-and-bolts.
Many Unexpected Blessings and Cheers to you!
Photo Credit (sign): Jens Johnsson
Composite with blue birdie of happiness: Catherine
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Hi, I'm Catherine!
Having overcome trauma and adversity, I created Catherine's Divine Riches Project to make it easier for you to empower yourself to move beyond change, stress, and fears that hold you back while discovering how to create positive change in your life!
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