Love Lost: 3 Valuable Takeaways Toward Your New Life

Photo by Pok Rie

​One of the life changes we all go through at one time or another is the loss of relationships. Whether through breakups, divorce, death, or simply drifting apart, these can be some of the most gut wrenching, yet productive times of your life.

In an earlier post I talked about how coincidences can show up when you're going through change to help you know you're on the right path.

​Coincidences surrounding relationships can also lead to amazing unexpected outcomes that are only revealed much later in time.
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A Personal Story Example

Years ago, when my dad suddenly died, I stayed with my mom for a few weeks during the strange and difficult time between his funeral and when his body was cremated.

The day it was over, my mom came to my house for a much needed change of scenery. After doing some therapeutic yard work, we went for a last-minute walk.

Since I'd just moved into my new neighborhood, I asked her to please not stop and stare at a house she might find interesting (as she was known to do) because "I have to live in this little village."

Despite my best efforts, she stopped in fron of a Civil War-era house that was around the corner from where I lived. A huge catalpa tree in the side yard caught her attention.

While we were standing there (thanks, mom), a man appeared in the front yard, apparently the homeowner.

Although self-conscious about my dirt-splotched sweatshirt and torn-in-the-rear-end jeans (he was clearly an urban professional rather than a rural local), we exchanged introductions and chatted for a while.

A few months later (having been respectful of my grief period), he started stopping by to chat.

We were both going through the aftermath of recent terrible losses. His wife, dog, and car never returned home with him after he discovered (during her parent's Christmas party) that she was having an affair.

In addition to my dad's passing, I was reeling from the ripple effect related to the world financial crises.

We became very close and actually managed to find a lot of silly stupid things to laugh about when we were together.

Years later, a week after he initiated taking our relationship to a committed level, he abruptly walked out of my life.

No further communication.

No nothing.

​Gone.

Photo by Torsten Detlaff

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I had often thought about the amazing coincidence that brought us together. He was included in my "things to be grateful for" journal almost every day. My mom, despite her loss, had pretty much hand-delivered someone special.

It was a long dark process to inch forward with my life in the aftermath. It didn't help my smashed-to-pieces heart that his friends had also become my friends and that I could see his house and the room we used to hang out in from my bathroom window.

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Moving Ahead

Looking back, the coincidence of our meeting and the positives that have happened since that awful ending suggest it's all part of the same coincidence thread. 

The "if that didn't happen, this wouldn't have happened" realizations that only come with time. Here's a recap:

The Coincidence
The string of events that led up to meeting a special person who, in the best light, became a closest friend and helpmate were:

•  My dad passing
•  My mom coming to stay with me and
•  Wanting to go for a walk
•  Stopping in front of a house (despite me asking her not to) long enough for
•  this man "just happening" to be walking from the back of his house 
•  to start raking leaves in the front.

The Coincidence Thread
The hidden thread from the coincidence of our meeting that later surfaced (as a result of working through the agony triggered by the loss of that relationship) resulted in a Santa Bag of Goodies.

I'm going to share with you the "best of's" that happened so that wherever you are or whatever you're going through, you may remember this story to know there's light at the end of your tunnel, too.
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• In working through the breakup, I became grounded and content within myself to a level I seriously never imagined possible

 

• As I healed, my relationship with my mom healed to a deeper level and we became much closer – a cherry-on-top life accomplishment

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• The insights I gained were transformed into a self-mastery class to help others

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​3 Takeaways to Help You
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1. Gut-wrenching times help you discover positive things about yourself you may not have otherwise known.

Have the courage to face the pain. The key is not running away from your emotions and feelings — the only true way out is through.

This is a huge chance for you to do productive life-changing inner work.
 
Because what’s on the other side of that pain will be a different, enhanced version of you. Don’t miss this opportunity for your own personal growth!

Unforeseen benefits you can’t even imagine will come to you when you stay the course. 

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2. Be patient with yourself, your process, and your progress. 

Healing can take a lot of time. There are minutes, hours, or days forward — then many more seemingly back.

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross wrote about The 5 Stages of Grief: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and finally Acceptance.

Know that none of them follow an organized list. Working your way through losses is messy and those steps can overlap, go upside down and inside out as you move along.

​Sometimes it’s literally one moment at a time. You can do it.
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3. Coincidences, maybe the one that brought the relationship into your life that is no longer there, can also have amazing hidden threads that are revealed later. 

Understand there was a reason for the relationship you had.
 

• What did you learn about yourself as a result of being with that person?

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And a higher purpose reason for the end. 
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• What are you learning about yourself now?

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Even if it doesn’t feel like it right now, know there are wonderful things in store for you. It will help give you the perseverance to continue moving forward. 

And one day be able to look back and notice the marvelous coincidence threads that have blossomed as a result.

Non-attribution photo: author unknown

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​With Heartfelt Empathy and Gentle Thoughts,