 As an accomplished big-city mediator, Chris was no stranger to interpersonal relationships. Her job was to masterfully help those she worked with identify important issues, clarify misunderstandings, explore solutions, and negotiate a settlement rather than having a costly, time-consuming trial. At the time I was giving my seminar on Relationships. Given the work she did, I could understand why she signed up. Yet, interestingly, for all her intricate experience with people, she couldn’t see what was going on within herself. The Problem: Old Stuff Often there are things going on behind-the-scenes in our inner lives that cost us big time. They’re underlying ideas about ourselves and the outside world that we don’t know we have. And they show up in ways that seem to sabotage our best efforts. Tell-Tale Clues How can you tell if you're throwing sand into the gears of your life? Start noticing what’s bothering you and ask yourself these 3 questions: • Is it something you’ve noticed before? • Is there a repeating pattern playing out through people and experiences like personal relationships and work? Your health? Your finances? What stresses you out? How you feel about the world? • Do you sometimes feel like you’re moving backwards instead of forward or plateaued out? The Cost to Her and Those Around Her Reflecting, I’ve wondered what Chris’ life could have been like had she discovered what she did about herself years before. How much happier she could have been. The time and frustration she could have saved herself. How much more she could have enjoyed her family or better served her clients. Being able to help her empower herself to free herself from an issue that had dogged her for decades was a wonderful win across the board. Here's what she said about the experience: "Something happened in the seminar that changed everything for me – everything. How Much You Matter Remember. Everything you do matters from a big picture perspective. You have no idea how profound the effects are when you do something positive for yourself. And because it ripples outward, others. Takeaways: 1. What's one thing can you do today to help you understand yourself better? 2. What one positive action can you do now to start that process? Asking yourself the bulleted questions in the Tell-Tale Clues paragraph above can be a good start.   Would you like to connect? You're invited to a complimentary 30 minute Get-to-Know-You session. Just send an email and we'll send you a calendar link to schedule your date and time. Copyright ©2021 Catherine Lenard
Photo: Amy Hirschib
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 Photo by Pok Rie One of the life changes we all go through at one time or another is the loss of relationships. Whether through breakups, divorce, death, or simply drifting apart, these can be some of the most gut wrenching, yet productive times of your life. In an earlier post I talked about how coincidences can show up when you're going through change to help you know you're on the right path. Coincidences surrounding relationships can also lead to amazing unexpected outcomes that are only revealed much later in time. A Personal Story Example Years ago, when my dad suddenly died, I stayed with my mom for a few weeks during the strange and difficult time between his funeral and when his body was cremated. The day it was over, my mom came to my house for a much needed change of scenery. After doing some therapeutic yard work, we went for a last-minute walk. Since I'd just moved into my new neighborhood, I asked her to please not stop and stare at a house she might find interesting (as she was known to do) because "I have to live in this little village." Despite my best efforts, she stopped in fron of a Civil War-era house that was around the corner from where I lived. A huge catalpa tree in the side yard caught her attention. While we were standing there (thanks, mom), a man appeared in the front yard, apparently the homeowner. Although self-conscious about my dirt-splotched sweatshirt and torn-in-the-rear-end jeans (he was clearly an urban professional rather than a rural local), we exchanged introductions and chatted for a while. A few months later (having been respectful of my grief period), he started stopping by to chat. We were both going through the aftermath of recent terrible losses. His wife, dog, and car never returned home with him after he discovered (during her parent's Christmas party) that she was having an affair. In addition to my dad's passing, I was reeling from the ripple effect related to the world financial crises. We became very close and actually managed to find a lot of silly stupid things to laugh about when we were together. Years later, a week after he initiated taking our relationship to a committed level, he abruptly walked out of my life. No further communication. No nothing. Gone.  Photo by Torsten Detlaff _________ I had often thought about the amazing coincidence that brought us together. He was included in my "things to be grateful for" journal almost every day. My mom, despite her loss, had pretty much hand-delivered someone special. It was a long dark process to inch forward with my life in the aftermath. It didn't help my smashed-to-pieces heart that his friends had also become my friends and that I could see his house and the room we used to hang out in from my bathroom window. Moving Ahead Looking back, the coincidence of our meeting and the positives that have happened since that awful ending suggest it's all part of the same coincidence thread. The "if that didn't happen, this wouldn't have happened" realizations that only come with time. Here's a recap: The Coincidence The string of events that led up to meeting a special person who, in the best light, became a closest friend and helpmate were: • My dad passing • My mom coming to stay with me and • Wanting to go for a walk • Stopping in front of a house (despite me asking her not to) long enough for • this man "just happening" to be walking from the back of his house • to start raking leaves in the front. The Coincidence Thread The hidden thread from the coincidence of our meeting that later surfaced (as a result of working through the agony triggered by the loss of that relationship) resulted in a Santa Bag of Goodies. I'm going to share with you the "best of's" that happened so that wherever you are or whatever you're going through, you may remember this story to know there's light at the end of your tunnel, too.
________ 3 Takeaways to Help You 1. Gut-wrenching times help you discover positive things about yourself you may not have otherwise known. Have the courage to face the pain. The key is not running away from your emotions and feelings — the only true way out is through. This is a huge chance for you to do productive life-changing inner work. Because what’s on the other side of that pain will be a different, enhanced version of you. Don’t miss this opportunity for your own personal growth! Unforeseen benefits you can’t even imagine will come to you when you stay the course. _________ 2. Be patient with yourself, your process, and your progress. Healing can take a lot of time. There are minutes, hours, or days forward — then many more seemingly back. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross wrote about The 5 Stages of Grief: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and finally Acceptance. Know that none of them follow an organized list. Working your way through losses is messy and those steps can overlap, go upside down and inside out as you move along. Sometimes it’s literally one moment at a time. You can do it. ______ 3. Coincidences, maybe the one that brought the relationship into your life that is no longer there, can also have amazing hidden threads that are revealed later. Understand there was a reason for the relationship you had.
And a higher purpose reason for the end.
Even if it doesn’t feel like it right now, know there are wonderful things in store for you. It will help give you the perseverance to continue moving forward. And one day be able to look back and notice the marvelous coincidence threads that have blossomed as a result.  Non-attribution photo: author unknown With Heartfelt Empathy and Gentle Thoughts,   Have you ever experienced something unusual as you go about your everyday life that lets you know there's something much bigger going on than you're usually aware of? __________ I've been working on the audio portion of my SOS Need it Now Emotional Feel Better Toolkit for a long time. Delays have been rampant from tweaking the recording software settings, losing my voice, and finding somewhere quiet enough to do the work. Despite best efforts, it's been an extremely slow process. I finally resorted to working in a closet. Not a convenient closet, like my own (too much street noise), but that of a friend, which meant becoming very mobile with setting up and breaking down a "recording studio" to work among her carefully folded blankets and pillows. Having a relatively good voice day, I was rolling along with recording. Suddenly (through ear buds), I heard the faint clank and spin of something that hit the ground. Huh? I looked down. It was a penny. Now, I hadn't moved myself or anything in that closet for fear of disrupting anything that could affect recording. It just "dropped," did a spin, and landed next to me. When family members suddenly passed about ten years ago, every once in a while, pennies would appear in the most obvious and ridiculous of places. Being tuned in that this is a known phenomena sometimes experienced by those who have lost loved ones, it became a source of wonder and comfort. So, there it was again. In the least likely of places. Reminding, that despite the illusion – you and me – we're never really alone. I stopped what I was doing to have a good laugh.  Note: This post happened to be published on November 1. The day after Halloween is known as All Souls Day in Christianity. It's a day of remembering loved ones who have passed on.  I went to a business event this week where one of the speakers was talking about er uhm, hospital food – wait, this is a good thing. Outside the (cereal) Box Because the hospital that was discussed is an anchor point in its city for services and jobs, visionary hospital leaders decided they wanted to buy as many local provisions as possible. They started small, with locally roasted coffee and bread. Their efforts grew to eventually replacing a global source for oatmeal, Quaker, with a local source. Oats at that time had never been grown in their state (Michigan). It began through simply talking with local growers and businesses. Open dialogue. What if? And went from there to create exponential growth for those suppliers, new jobs for the community, quality foods and meals, shared prosperity, and happy faces. What This Has to do with You and World Peace Ask anyone if they want a peaceful world and most would say yes. What many don't realize is that the biggest thing you can do to change the world can be the most intimidating. Start in your own backyard.
Like the wonderful growing ripple effect of the hospital replacing global suppliers with local sources that began with a simple conversation, you can do your part for world peace with an added benefit: Having the intention and openness to create harmony within yourself and those around you can come back to benefit you and others in many, many unforeseen ways.  Photo credit: Chepko/istockphoto.com |
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Welcome, We all have life challenges. Some you see, some you don't. Your Divine Riches was created to make it easier for you to not only get through existing changes, but to also discover how to deliberately create changes you want in your life. You're invited to check out the rest of my website to Learn More. :-) Catherine ___ View Catherine's LinkedIn Profile:
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