Are You Feeling Regret? Help for Letting it Go

5/15/2022

Woman feeling regret with a box on her head

Regret is defined as "to feel sorry, disappointed or distressed about something."

Guilt is defined as "remorseful awareness of having done something wrong."

American Heritage College Dictionary

When Regret and Guilt Come Calling

I was raised in the Catholic faith. All jokes aside about Catholic guilt in the era when nuns still wore traditional nun clothing and before more recent events grabbed headline news, it's negative affects had me running for the hills as a young adult.

As a spiritual person I eventually explored, in different degrees and in no particular order, alternative traditions from Native American, Eastern, and New Thought to Islam, Spiritualism, and variations within Christianity.

On a related note, having been involved in "Know Thyself " personal development in one way or another for as long as I can remember, I thought I'd explored, handled or managed most of my stuff.

It was a surprise when unwelcome and unwanted faces and events from a particular period in my life started bubbling up in my awareness with regret, revulsion, guilt, and shame.

Specifically around experiences from my twenties that I'd describe as Life in The Big City Wild Child.

At that time, although feeling tormented by inner demons that at times were crippling, on the flip side I just wanted to experience the adventuresome side of life and have fun.

Since most of this was diametrically opposed to my Thou Shalt Not upbringing, experiences were mentally compartmentalized as time went on and shoved into a dark corner.

"We all do things we wish we didn't do. Often it's survival. God forgives us."
MOM

Fast Forward, Present Time

However you define or not define God or Something Greater than yourself, it's said that He, She, Him, Her, It (or whatever politically correct pronoun you choose these days) works in mysterious ways.

Finding myself muddling through a series of unforeseen setbacks, the latest being a broken ankle that required wearing an Ortho-boot to hobble around, I was forced to live in slow motion so my body could heal.

Having read all the books in my house, I decided to finish one I'd started a year ago but had lost patience with. Timing is everything.

Spiritual Giants With a Checkered Past

Thomas Merton's The Seven Story Mountain locked my attention.

It's the famous autobiography of a brilliant and worldly young man and his struggles to find inner peace, which he eventually does within the framework of a Trappist monastery in Kentucky.

He was not only a monk who became a best-selling author, but also a social activist speaking out on political subjects during the time of the VietNam war.
Which may have cost him his life, but that's another story.

He came from a unconventional international background and after being yanked from a London school for illicit behavior during his teen years that also involved fathering a child, he continued his hard-partying lifestyle at Columbia College in New York, which had him booted out of his first attempt at entering a monastery.

During this time, he met and became friends with an Eastern Indian monk by the name of Brachmari who completely surprises Merton when he says, "There are many beautiful mystical books by the Christians. You should read St. Augustine - Confessions."

Which led me to check it out for myself.

Augustine is, to his parent's great disappointment and concern, a Wild Child rebel, capital "R", who comes from nothing and eventually rises to significance with friends in high places in the location where it's all happening in those days, fourth century Italy. Not before taking up with a mistress or two and also fathering a child. Come to find out, his mom became known as the "go to" patron saint for moms with troubled kids.

He eventually embraces Christianity as an older adult and leaves a lasting legacy as a force of the early Christian church.

So for all this Thou-Shall-Not-or-suffer-dire-consequences indoctrination via the Catholic faith, here are two pillars, spiritual titans that both had seriously
Wild Child backgrounds. They don't tell you that in church.

Reading about the very human lives of Thomas Merton and Saint Augustine, the lingering burdens of regret and guilt within myself started lifting.

woods with fog lifting representing lifting of regret

Surprising Reasons For Letting it Go

Merton's book also talks about humiliation and the state of personal hell within those who go over and over their past mistakes.

He says feeling the burning of regret, guilt, or shame is a byproduct of pride or ego.

In contrast, he says that when saints remember their "sins" or negative behavior from the past, they don't dwell on their mistakes, but choose to remember the "mercy of God and therefore past evil is turned into a present cause of joy".

I had long ago buried the parts of my past that radiated regret – perhaps because from my current "I can't believe I did that" perspective it was too painful to look at until I was forced to.

Through no-such-thing-as-coincidence, I was given the opportunity, through grace, to read of two extraordinary people who's worldly experiences were necessary parts of their life path. As are mine and yours.

Knowing this has given me the perspective to look at past regrets and guilt through the lens of compassion – for myself and others.

According to Merton, if we've already been forgiven by the Divine, it's the destructiveness of pride that unnecessarily continues to revert to anguish and rehashing of our regrets.

The Bottom Line Takeaway

My mom is almost ninety so she's seen a thing or two. On this subject she said,

"We all do things we wish we didn't do.
Often it's survival.
God forgives us."
_____

Learn from your experiences, forgive yourself, let go of whatever it is or was, and let yourself move on.

_____

• Would you like help working through forgiveness for yourself, someone or something else?

My book, Your Divine Riches - Your How To Guide For Creating The Life You Want, has a simple yet powerful forgiveness technique in the chapter Freedom Through Forgiveness to help you work through regret. The link has a free preview of the book.

Consultation/Life Coaching is also available.

Photos: Ryanniel Masucol, Alexey- Chunihin

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Lightening Up for The Holiday(s)!

11/17/2021

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Mashed Potatoes And You:
A Timely Forgiveness Analogy

Do you like mashed potatoes?

A Seasonal Similarity

Earlier in the year I discovered the best mashed potato secret you'll ever find.

I knew I wanted to save it for you for the U.S. Thanksgiving holiday when mashed potatoes are typically part of the holiday table.

So what's the secret and where's the analogy?

Soaking and rinsing peeled potatoes before you cook them rinses off the starch.

Why does that matter?

You'll get the lightest fluffiest potatoes you've ever had – even after you stick the leftovers in the fridge and heat them up the next day! No kidding.

The Analogy Part

Rinsing off the potatoes so they cook up lighter reminds me of the fact that a lot of times we often walk around bogged down with old mental and emotional "stuff."

When you have the opportunity to take a look at this internal gooey-ness that keeps you stuck on all kinds of levels and are able to let it go, you feel lighter. What's revealed is a happier, healthier, "fluffier" you.

A Life-Giving Process

One of the best things you can do to help yourself "rinse off" is under the lid of forgiveness. Forgiveness of yourself or another person, entity, or situation is bar none, one of the greatest things you can do for you. The long-reaching positive ripples eventually affect every area of your life.

Often, it isn't easy.

In my newly released book, Your Divine Riches: Your How To Guide For Creating The Life You Want, there's a chapter called Freedom Through Forgiveness. Here's an excerpt:

If you’ve lived long enough on the planet, you’ve most likely experienced deeply painful hurts. They can seem impossible to forgive.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean you have to personally like anyone, anything, or the actions that hurt you.

Forgiveness is the purposeful act of releasing a hurtful incident from your mind. It’s an act of self-love. The freedom you’ll receive from doing this is truly life-giving."
*

So whether you're cooking, mashing, or eating those fluffy potatoes on Thanksgiving or at another time, remember the potato analogy and forgiveness for yourself, someone, or something.

You'll give yourself the wonderful gift of Lightening Up!

Get the Book as a Gift to Yourself or Someone You Care About:

*The powerful Forgiveness Release process is in the Your Divine Riches book.

Learn More

rose-colored plate of mashed potatoes filling the plate

The "Secret" Mashed Potato Tip

Catherine's Easy Button Version: Simply soak peeled and quartered potatoes until the water gets cloudy then rinse them well before putting them into boiling water. If you want to get cook-tech geeky in detail, google the original Cook's Illustrated "fluffy mashed potatoes" recipe!

Need Some Help?

Book a complimentary life-changing Self-Discovery Coaching Session. If it's a fit for us to continue working together, brilliant. If not, no worries, you'll have the benefits of our session as my gift to you.

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Are You Feeling Regret? Help for Letting it Go

Regret is defined as "to feel sorry, disappointed or distressed about something."

Guilt is defined as "remorseful awareness of having done something wrong."

Lightening Up for The Holiday(s)!

Mashed Potatoes And You:
A Timely Forgiveness Analogy

Archives

Categories

P r o d u c t s + S e r v i C e s

C O m p a n y

S u p p o r t

Are You Feeling Regret? Help for Letting it Go

Regret is defined as "to feel sorry, disappointed or distressed about something."​Guilt is defined as "remorseful awareness of having done something wrong."​

Lightening Up for The Holiday(s)!

Mashed Potatoes And You:​A Timely ​Forgiveness Analogy

Archives

Categories

P r o d u c t s + S e r v i C e s

C O m p a n y

S u p p o r t

Regret is defined as "to feel sorry, disappointed or distressed about something."

Guilt is defined as "remorseful awareness of having done something wrong."

Mashed Potatoes And You:
A Timely Forgiveness Analogy